Helping
a Youth Resist
Abuse
Prepared by
the Boy Scouts of America
When a young person feels threatened with
the possibility of being sexually abused, they need to know that any
resistance on their part will be sufficient to discourage most child
molesters. This is part of the message the Boy Scouts of America include
in their Youth Protection Education program for members and their
families.
THE THREE "R'S"
OF YOUTH PROTECTION FROM ABUSE
Youth need to
RECOGNIZE situations that place them at risk of being molested, how
child molesters operate and that anyone can be a molester.
Youth need to know that if they
RESIST, most child molesters will leave them alone.
And, if youth
REPORT attempted or actual molestations, they will help protect
themselves as well as other youth from further abuse and will not be
blamed for what occurred.
THE YOUTH'S BILL OF RIGHTS
Specific resistance methods are emphasized in the
Youth's Bill of
Rights. This teaches that when young people are confronted with a situation
that they think is dangerous, they have the right to:
Trust their own instincts or feelings.
Expect privacy.
Withhold information that could place them in danger.
Refuse gifts.
Say no to unwanted touching or affection.
Say no to inappropriate demands and requests from adults.
Be rude or
unhelpful if the situation warrants.
Run, scream, make a scene.
Physically fight off unwanted advances.
Ask for help.
WHY DISCLOSURE IS DIFFICULT
An almost universal reaction that adults have when discussing the
subject of youth sexual abuse is questioning how the
youthcan allow the
adult to perpetrate molestation and then not disclose the abuse. Dr.
Roland Summit, noted psychiatrist and authority on the impact of
youth
sexual abuse on the victim, has identified five reasons they don't tell:
Secrecy. Secrecy is a necessary condition for a person to be sexually
abused. It is through secrecy that the youth is both intimidated and
comforted. The abuser will often state to the young
person, this will be our
secret, or even, if you tell anyone, I'll kill you, or I'll kill your
god. A clear message is given that if another person finds out,
something bad will happen. On the other hand, the
youth is led to
believe that if no one finds out everything will be all right.
The average young person, according to Dr. Summit, never asks and never tells.
Based on surveys of adult survivors of child sexual abuse, the majority
never told anyone during their childhood. They feared blame and
retaliation.
In teaching the Three R's of Youth Protection from
Abuse, we need to be sure the
youth hears that if he is unsuccessful at avoiding abuse he should still
report abuse and he will not be blamed. Too much emphasis on resisting
may result in the youth erroneously shouldering the responsibility for
what occurred.
Helplessness. Adults are given inherent power over
youth in our
society. We are comfortable with the idea that the child molester is a
stranger hanging out around playgrounds and that we have given children
the power to resist strangers. We are less comfortable, in fact very
uncomfortable, with the fact that a youth is three times more likely to
be molested by a trusted adult, often with a degree of authority over
the youth, than by a stranger. In such relationships, the
young person has no
power to consent, particularly if the offender is one to whom the
youth
must look for food, clothing and shelter.
Adjustment. For the youth in a dependent relationship, sexual
molestation is typically not a one-time occurrence. In such a case, the
youth will learn to adjust to the abuse. Part of the adjustment will be
to levy self-blame and accept misplaced responsibility for the
molestation. The youthful victim is likely to turn his rage at his
helplessness outward in aggressive and antisocial behavior.
Delayed, conflicting and unconvincing disclosure. As previously
mentioned, the majority of child sexual abuse is never disclosed.
Disclosure is usually the outgrowth of overwhelming conflict with the
abuser, incidental discovery by a third party, or sensitive outreach and
community education by youth serving agencies. In the case of conflict
between the youth and the molester, often the complaint is disregarded
because of the circumstances in which it was made. A
youth of any age is
faced with skepticism when complaining of sexual molestation. An
adolescent may be faced not only with skepticism but humiliation and
punishment as well.
Retraction. When faced with disbelief from the adult to whom they have
turned for help, the normal thing for the victim to do is to withdraw
the allegation and restore the lie that the abuse did not take place. By
understanding these factors,
we can be guided in how to respond when a
youth discloses abuse.
ADULTS: BE PREPARED TO LISTEN...TO REPORT
Considering the prevalence of abuse and the educational programs that
increase young people's awareness about sexual molestation, you may someday
have a member of your group tell you that someone has molested him or
her. If this happens you must be prepared to help the
youth. Follow the
guidelines below if a young person indicates that he or she may have been the
victim of abuse or exploitation:
DON'T panic or overreact to the information disclosed by the
youth.
DON'T criticize the youth.
DO respect the youth's privacy. Take the
youth to a private place away
from other children (but within the sight of others). Reassure them
that you are concerned about what happened to them and that you would
like to get them some help. Do not promise to keep their secret, as it
will be necessary to make a report. Report to social services or the
county 4-H contact. You may want to ask the youth if they have talked
with their parents about the abuse - if a parent was not the alleged
abuser.
DO encourage the youth to tell the appropriate authorities. You may do
this by making sure the youth feels that he or she is not to blame for
what happened. Tell them that no one should ask him or her to keep
a special secret and that it is OK to talk about what happened with
appropriate adults -- that they will not be blamed.
DO keep it strictly confidential. Discussing allegations of child abuse
with others may result in a lawsuit for defamation of character. Only
share information and comments with supervisors as stated in this
information and/or, with child protection authorities to whom you report.
Prepared by: Boy Scouts of America
