First Friends

Thoughts of childhood friends can bring back wonderful memories of time spent together. Friends help a child feel liked and accepted. A friend is someone whose absence is missed and whose presence bring joy- even for children as young as two and three years of age.

Child development specialists used to characterize the interaction between infants and toddlers as "parallel play" -children would play beside each other but not with each other. Now we know that young children can interact with each other, play simple games together and form attachments. Toddlers tend to play in pairs while preschoolers form groups of three or more in activities such as playing house or building blocks. Preschoolers can develop close relationships through early friendships tend to be changeable.

Since so much of young children's play together involves toys, sharing those toys can be troublesome. Two and three years olds are in the middle of the process of establishing their sense of self. Their toys, clothes, even their favorite songs are seen as extensions of themselves, not always as separate items. For a two to three year old to say that something is "mine" isn't a sign of selfishness but instead is a step in self-awareness. Most children move through those steps quickly and the loud call of "It's mine!" is forgotten.

By the time a child is four or five, he or she usually have enough sense of themselves to share with their friends. Even so, parents should be aware that most young children have trouble sharing their favorite toys when friends come to visit. One way to sidestep a potential problem is to ask if there are special toys he/she might want to put away. Tell him you will be there if he gets upset. You can even role-play "Let's pretend that I am your friend and that I am using your car. What can you do?". Suggest alternatives, "We could use a timer and when the timer goes off , you get a turn".

In their book, "The Baby Whisper", authors Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blus include this list of toddler play rules which well illustrates how toddlers see their world.

Rules of Toddler Play

• If I like it -its mine
• If its in my hand -its mine
• If I can take it from you -its mine
• If I had a little while ago-its still mine
• If its mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way, shape or form
• If I am doing or building something - all the pieces are mine
• If it looks like mine -its mine
• If I think its mine - its mine