March 24, 2008

Whose Job Is It?

          Keeping a household running is no small task.  Laundry, pets, grocery shopping, meal preparation, cleaning small messes, cleaning large messes plus a lot more take time and many hands.  Parents often look towards the small hands in their family - the children - to assist with those tasks.  Getting the work done is one reason to teach children chores, but even more important is the opportunity to help children grow.  Teaching children at an early age that all family members must work together to make the household run and that each person must do his or her share of the work load are part of the life lessons of cooperation and responsibility.  But where to start on the “how to teach chores” list?

          One at a time - It is far easier for a child to master a task if they concentrating on just one item.  Show your child how to do one chore, and then be certain they are consistently doing it correctly before moving on to other chores.  Even better than telling, is working along side the child and teaching by example.

          Small steps before big ones - When teaching chores break each one down into small parts. Instead of telling a child to clean his bedroom and leaving it at that, explain all of the parts that make up the chore - changing the sheets, picking up toys and putting them away, dusting the dresser, and vacuuming.  This is also the time to reinforce your specific standards of clean. Does “pick up your clothes” mean on hangers in the closet or off the floor on a chair?

          Monitor beginnings - Next, don’t completely abandon the child and the chore. Be available to answer questions and give guidance when needed.  Look over the work done and explain what, if anything could be done differently. Provide lots of praise and encouragement for whatever their effort has been. Obviously, the younger the child, the more supervision is needed. As children become accustomed to their new duties, parents can cut back on monitoring and inspecting.

          Change the nature of chores as children grow - As children grow, they can be given more and more challenging chores. Most parents have a good idea of what their children are and are not able to do which give parents the opportunity to be sure that the chores they give their children are appropriate to their children's ages and abilities.

          Avoid rescuing.  People of all ages can become frustrated with the work they are attempting to do.  When your child’s frustration level rises, he/she forgets or abandons the chore, be there with advice and reassurance but avoid taking over the task.  If a parent goes ahead and does the chore themselves, children learn a number of negative concepts. First of all, children learn that their parents don't mean what they say and will not follow through. Secondly, children learn that if they hold out long enough someone will do their work for them.

          Chores or Allowance?  Most parenting experts recommend keeping chores and allowance as separate decisions and actions.  Their recommendations include assigning chores as a way to teach responsibility person and distributing money as a way to teach money management. Other experts say that it is okay to tie allowance to completion of chores provided that the tasks and consequences are clearly defined. You will need to decide which approach is best for your family. Just remember to make your expectations clear and to follow though on the consequences.

          Allow for consequences - Logical consequences occur as a result of children’s actions or inactions. If a child repeatedly forgets to safely put his bike away in the garage at the end of the day, a logical consequence would be not being allowed to use the bicycle for a few days.  Consequences can also be positive! A logical consequence for a child who repeatedly works hard and completes his chores would be to be given extra free time.