NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State
University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665
January 22, 1998
Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service
I went home in a nasty mood last night. It wasn't that I had a bad day; I didn't. It was a busy day which I generally like. I had to take time away from work for an appointment that didn't go badly. It just took longer than I had expected. Catching up when I returned to work was fine, just hectic having two fewer hours than I needed.
I was late for a class so I had to stay after to find out what I'd missed. That made me late for lunch so I missed the company of my co-workers. I was late going home but felt comforted in the fact that leftovers were ready and waiting to be heated and eaten.
When I finally got home, my husband was cooking something else. This wasn't bad; it just caught me off guard. The kids were doing homework. How could I object to fresh food cooking and kids working? I'm not sure how, but I managed. The people I love so dearly, whose only sins were surprising me with a nice supper and having their homework started, got an earful from me.
Often when one person in the family is owly, other members are soon infected with the same mood. It's easy to become cross when treated so unfairly.
This wise bunch simply said things that only family members dare say. "Gee, Mom, did you have a bad day?" "What's wrong?" and "Is there anything else I can do to make you feel better?" This niceness intervention really started to poke holes in my rotten attitude, but it didn't change me completely.
At dinner I found all sorts of unhelpful things to say. Undaunted by my subtle attacks, my little family continued to visit cheerfully as they each secretly made their escape plans.
We all have one of those days now and again. Here are some tips to smooth the way.
For parents who work outside the home, use the last 5 to 10 minutes of your day to compile a list of tomorrow's projects. This will help you leave work at work. If you forget something that needs to be done the next day, call yourself and leave a cheery message on the answering machine.
Park as far as possible from your building. At the end of the day it will add exercise and extra thinking time to help leave work behind. Use your travel time as decompression time. Some people think of this like changing stations on the radio. Tune out your work life and tune in your family time.
Remember how first impressions tend to last? Well, plan a smiley entrance and greeting for your family. If you start by being friendly, others will probably respond in kind. Those first minutes in the door tend to set the tone for the rest of the evening.
For parents who are home with the children, find grownups to share recreation time with. Children are delightful but can't be expected to fill social needs of adults.
Change your clothes, shower or just wash the day from your hands and face. Use some method of signaling the end of work and the beginning of family time.
Let the adult who is coming home spend a few minutes with the children first. Young children have a hard time waiting in line to get a hug or to tell about their day.
No one enjoys hearing about how horrible their offspring have been since 7 a.m. as they're trying to get their shoes off and coat hung up. Save this news for after the little darlings are in bed. Giving attention to these facts in the child's earshot will nearly assure you of a repeat performance tomorrow.
Keep in mind that children are learners who are watching the important adults in their lives every moment and learning how to handle stress and emotions by watching. Yesterday was one of those days when I wish my children weren't such good listeners.
More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.
Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support warmline for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics.
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Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070
Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875