NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State
University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665
February 19, 1998
Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service
As I flipped through the student-generated high school newsletter the other day, I noticed an editorial-style cartoon. I don't remember it exactly, but I do recall that it was a picture of a school bathroom. One person was apparently throwing up while another shouted in the door something like, "You can stop now. They're coming out with a thicker waist Barbie." Of course, the impression is obvious. We are trying to blame eating disorders on the fashion industry, fashion dolls and the media in general.
Disordered eating isn't just for women anymore. Boys and young men slowly but surely are joining the ranks of the too thin.
According to Richard M. Lerner of Michigan State University and youth and health communications specialist Cheryl K. Olson, children as young as 7 years old can already determine what the most desirable body shapes look like. Apparently once again, children are hearing the messages others are sending, no matter how subtly.
How can parents and other adults help counter the messages about thinness that are so prevalent in our lives?
Accept and care for your own body the way you would like your children to care for theirs. Avoid talking about how much weight you need to lose. If you really do need to lose, model healthy eating, cut out the high-calorie snacking, turn down the food cues and choose a realistic exercise routine. Discuss health in the context of weight and exercise.
Help your child recognize that adolescence is a time in life when most everyone has a complaint with their body. This isn't surprising given that the feet, hands and nose may grow first with additional weight being added before height. What's not to complain about?
Helpful comments like, "I remember how aggravating that was when it happened to me too," or "Can I help?" are always more welcome than, "Stop complaining; your friend is heavier than you, and she seems fine with it." Comments like that can be real conversation stoppers and tend to put the attention where it doesn't belong—on the friend whom your child now thinks you like better than you like her. Ah, adolescence.
Instead talk about body types, family genetics and the body that is right for the person. Where do you feel best weight-wise, exercise-wise, health-wise?
Ask if the young adolescent will help you shop for food, and talk about healthy snacks compared to snacks that contain high fat and sugar content. Discuss how all these foods fit into a plan.
Don't withhold food or complain that the child has consumed too much. A person treated this way may actually eat more the next time. If an abundance of fruits, vegetables and other healthy foods is always available, the child will feel more calm and orderly about eating and probably eat less.
The heartbreaking question, "Dad, Mom, am I fat?" deserves an honest response. Lerner and Olson suggest responses such as, "Your growing body needs a lot of calories right now, and for your health's sake, we need to pay attention to where those calories come from. Let's work on eating better as a family. It will help all of us look and feel the way we want to."
Another response would be to say something on this order: "You have years of growing ahead of you. Instead of worrying about your weight, why not concentrate on exercise you enjoy so you can feel healthier?" Then help the child find a healthy way to exercise.
Children who are allowed to choose from healthy, appetizing foods without feeling forced or deprived will probably grow to have a healthier relationship with food than children who don't have these conditions.
Parents, be cautioned; eating disorders often have deeper causes than just concerns about body image. Excessive or prolonged concern about weight may be an important signal that the adolescent may be struggling with some major issues needing professional help.
Disordered eating from too thin to obese may have a variety of sources that contribute, but it's easy to blame Barbie. She's so perfect she's a little hard to like.
More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.
Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support warmline for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics.
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Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070
Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875