NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State
University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665
April 9, 1998
Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service
Aaron thinks life at 13 is pretty good. He gets up in the morning, goes to school and works hard enough to get B's, even though he knows a little more effort would net him A's. Aaron does his homework most of the time, hands it in pretty regularly and pays attention when he's interested.
After school Aaron walks home with friends. They are never in a hurry and often stop for a treat at the gas station on the way. He has money from odd jobs, birthdays and an allowance. To Aaron that is plenty for his small-change snacks.
Once home, Aaron cares for the family pets, watches a little TV, maybe works at his homework or shoots hoops as he waits for the rest of the family to get home. Weekends will find him on his bike, with friends, exploring their ever-growing boundaries. He's usually home on time and he feels is pretty good about calling home.
Twice this year Aaron had to spend time in detention and once it wasn't even his fault. Aaron feels that he follows the rules, is pleasant and honest, and is generally a good person, compared to a lot of other 13-year-olds he knows or has heard about. Aaron says he feels more confident, independent and responsible for his actions than he did when he was a kid.
Aaron's parents worry that he isn't working up to his potential. They see the B's and wonder about a tutor. Conferences always go fine, but the teachers, too, see that Aaron could be more organized in his work habits. Several teachers have suggested supervised study time for Aaron and help with organizing his materials.
His parents don't like the fact that he spends so much time on the weekend with his friends either. Although they know the other boys and are aware of their whereabouts through phone calls, they think back two or three years and wonder where their family time has gone. When they do lay down the law that Aaron will go to Grandma's house with them, they find that they usually end up with an extra child, one of Aaron's friends. Both parents have noticed that this makes both travel and the trip a lot more fun so they continue to bring the adolescent guests.
Aaron's parents worry about their children's fighting. Although it is most often verbal and quite evenly matched, since their younger son is 11 and nearly as big as Aaron, it still concerns them. They have observed that their attention fuels these fights, so both parents have agreed to say something like, "if you're fighting I'll need to leave" or "let me know when it's safe to come out," and then retreat to their room to read. The yelling generally ends pretty quickly.
Aaron and his family see things from different perspectives. This story represents a snapshot look at this one family. They exemplify some of the typical concerns of parents as their children reach the teen years. However, there is a wide range of what constitutes normal behavior at this age, as there is in any given year of life.
Many 13-year-olds enjoy planning and critiquing their own work. Adults might consider assigning the task and giving the child a little leeway to decide how to do it. They also like to plan their own social calendar, which might include a chance meeting of the opposite sex, especially if a female is doing the planning. Teasing is usually not welcome.
Family meals can be the perfect setting to discuss current events, family schedules, friends and funny happenings at school and work. As long as the conversation is pleasant and includes this young teen, and the food is appetizing, you can expect to see him back again tomorrow for another helping of both.
Family rules may need revising again, as the number 13 seems magical to the 12-year-old who thinks life will change drastically and for the better on her next birthday. Every new rule that includes more independence should include equal amounts of responsibility for the growing child.
With all this new-found freedom one might expect that a child of 13 will never need help or hugs again. Not so. The need is probably greatest when it is least deserved. For a little look from the inside, I asked a 12-year-old what she knew about the 13-year-olds at her school.
"They're cool," she replied, and then quickly added, "but they shouldn't be role models."
Makes you think, doesn't it?
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Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070
Editor: Dean Hulse (701) 231-7866