NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State
University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665
May 7, 1998
Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service
Are you cut out for the team, or are you more likely cut from the team? Summer holds the opportunity to produce fun, good sportsmanship, healthy exercise and team building through sports. Conversely it holds the potential to produce hard feelings, a sense of inadequacy, exhaustion and competition at too early a stage of development.
Erica recalls her experiences with sports back when she was a girl, and she's worried her daughter may now have the same feelings.
"I was a little hesitant to sign my daughter up for baseball this year. I remember long, hot practices as a child where I sat on the bench the whole game unless my mom came to watch. When she was there, the coach would reluctantly play me. But I wasn't very good, and we both knew it. The other kids would call me names, and the adults in charge never made them stop. They must have agreed. I still don't enjoy the game, but my daughter really wanted to try it.
"Fortunately my daughter has had a wonderful experience. The philosophy of the park board is skill building and lifelong enjoyment for exercise. They've trained the coaches to set goals for good sportsmanship and trying one's best rather than winning.
"I've attended most games and practices and have always noted that my little girl gets the same amount of playing time as every other child. Her skills are really improving, which makes me wonder if I could have gotten better with some instruction, patience and encouragement too.
"If children have trouble in school with a subject like reading or math, the teacher provides more practice and encouragement. It wouldn't occur to any teacher to say, `Well, too bad, you're just not cut out for reading. Why don't you try another subject?' Physical fitness is important, and children should feel welcome to participate and improve at their own paces."
This mother's childhood experience isn't unique. According to the Institute for the Study of Youth Sports at Michigan State University, about 75 percent of children drop out of their favorite sport by age 15. These youthful athletes report that coaches who yell or play favorites and have a winning-is-everything attitude turn them off when what they want most is to have fun.
According to Stephen Bavolek, director of the National Institute for Child Centered Coaching in Park City, Utah, adults have an important role to play in children's sporting activities. Parents and coaches alike need to keep fun in the forefront. Children's activities are no place for the unfortunate antics of professional sports. Profanity, yelling, belittling, name calling, arguing with officials and penalties for losing are commonplace on television. These are and unfortunate at any age, but especially damaging for children.
Parents worry that coaches will mistreat their child but fear that the child will suffer a worse fate if they complain. They constantly weigh their own concerns against the possible outcome of an angered coach. And, after all, if they aren't able or willing to step in and help, how can they expect to criticize someone else's style? Volunteer coaches can be hard to find.
Sometimes it's the coach who worries about the parent. Good coaches want parents to know their responsibility in building a confident child too. Attend games and practices to enjoy watching your child's progress, and remember we all have good days and bad days. Recognize each child's willingness to try and work hard. Call children by their real names. Remember that many children have parents, siblings, and other relatives and friends in the bleachers. Don't say things that would hurt or embarrass anyone or start a brawl.
Become involved in positive ways. Ask the coach how you can be most helpful. Avoid comparing children to each other, and never reprimand a child for not winning.
And, oh yes, if you have questions or comments about the referee's ability to see clearly or the coach's IQ, save them for a calmer time. Chances are they've been asked before and probably don't really deserve an answer anyway. Remember, you are there for the child who is there for the fun of it.
More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.
Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support warmline for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics.
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Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070
Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875