NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665

August 20, 1998

Parent Line: Sharing Space with a Sibling

Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service

I vividly recall our son, who was about 4 years old at the time, saying to his friend, "Wouldn't it be great if we were brothers?"

Andy had one 6-month-old sister at the time and didn't have much interest in her. A slightly older brother on the other hand looked like a wonderful idea. This particular friend was the second of four brothers and saw the situation very differently.

"Oh no," he cried, "this is much better. If we were brothers we would have to fight."

Although it's not a requirement, many siblings do seem to fight at least a little, sometimes. It is humorous to hear parents who know that all this fighting must be the second child's doing. After all, the parent never had this problem with the first child. One might question who the only child might have used as a sparring partner. And better yet, why? After all, when every toy belongs to "me," all adults pay attention to "me" and anywhere I go in the house is "mine," why would I need to fight?

Space is a prime issue that siblings fight about. From sharing a lap to a seat in the car to sharing a bedroom, making room for a sibling can be difficult.

For some families space is a valuable commodity and necessity requires that children room together, but consider safety and sleep before putting young children together too early. Parents of young children will learn that their 2-year-old is proficient at climbing into the crib as well as out of it, when they enter the bedroom and find the older child holding the new baby in some awkward position. A crying baby draws quick attention from a mobile toddler or preschooler. Add to this the fact that lack of sleep rarely makes a young child easier to deal with, and bedding the baby down in the parents' room for the first several months to a year may be a workable alternative.

As children grow older, rooming together may help chase away those nasty under-the-bed and closet monsters. Children who room alone will inevitably bring up the fact that they have nobody to share a room with, but the parents do. How fair is that?

Sharing secrets and stories that they would never share in the light of day is one of the benefits of roommate siblings. Another is that they learn how to get along and care for one another. If children are close in age with similar interests, sharing a room may be easier. Children still need to have some space and toys to call their own. This includes a private place to go when emotions run too high.

By age 7 or so the "no girls allowed" signs start to appear. This could be a difficult time to have brothers and sisters in the same room. Creative options for dividing a room include painting the room two colors with curtains and rugs to match each child's taste. A line, a platform built in half the room, a blind or even a large cardboard box cut and fanned like a dressing screen can work beautifully. Let each child decorate one side of the box with his or her own original art, magazine pictures or photos. When the box needs replacing, hit up the appliance store for another one.

Beyond bedroom space, Polly Greenberg from the National Association for the Education of Young Children reminds parents to teach their children to respect each other's personal space in several ways: avoid intimidation tactics, do not interrupt conversations and never borrow items without permission.

These space issues are truly as important as who gets the top drawer of the dresser, the window seat in the car and the first hug on mom's lap.

###

More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.

Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support line for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics. The Parent Line is answered 7:30 a.m. - 9:15 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 7:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Friday.

Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070

Editor: Dean Hulse (701) 231-6136