NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665

August 27, 1998

Parent Line: Quizzical Behavior

Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service

Name the age most commonly thought of for the following types of behavior:

1. Doesn't listen to my requests to pick up toys.

1 year, 4 years, 8 years

2. Aggression first appears in this age child.

16 months, 3 years, 10 years

3. Can see another person's point of view.

1 year, 4 years, 7 years

4. Separation anxiety is prevalent.

9 months, 1 year, 3 years, 7 years

Who cares when these stages occur? Hopefully everyone who has a child in their lives. Knowing what to expect from a child at any age will provide parents with a better idea of how to guide and motivate them.

Probably everyone would know that tantrums are common among 2-year-olds. But did you know that 1-year-olds can actually fear their baths? And that children don't fear personal danger until around age 7?

It's no wonder children do what they do when you consider what is going on inside their heads. The 1-year-old who screams and runs outside naked isn't trying to get his parents arrested, he's trying to avoid that scary bath. Likewise, the 3-year-old who heads out into the street to chase her ball probably isn't being willfully disobedient. She's simply not able to think in terms of what harm may come to her if she's not careful around the street.

Deborah Diffily and Kathy Morrison with the National Association for the Education of Young Children say developmentally appropriate practice is achieved when adults "think first about what young children are like and then create an environment and experiences that are in tune with children's characteristics."

To create rich experiences for your child and less stress in parenting, learn what you can about the stage your child or children are approaching. Do a lot of observation. Then change what needs changing.

One place to look is the environment. If the 4-year-old loves snap-together building blocks and the baby finds them delicious, find an elevated or gated place for the 4-year-old to play. If the 4-year-old constructs his creation on a flat, mobile surface such as a wide board, then the project can be moved out to the living room while the baby naps.

Your own attitudes, reactions and actions are important too. Young children who want your attention will do almost anything to get it. If you react in a way that helps them see that they got your attention, chances are they will do it again and again. React positively to those things you want repeated!

The individuality of the child also needs to be recognized. Triplet brothers from the same family are still three different people! Be sure to use that observation time to see what makes each one tick.

The quiz? A 4-year-old has a hard time listening. Aggression can appear around 16 months, and 7-year-olds are beginning to see another person's point of view. And the answer to question No. 4 is that all the children prefer to be with their primary caregivers. In other words, you're not alone.

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More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.

Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support line for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics. The Parent Line is answered 7:30 a.m. - 9:15 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 7:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Friday.

Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070

Editor: Dean Hulse (701) 231-6136