NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665

November 25, 1998

Parent Line: Driver or Daddy?

Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service

Wanted: OTR Drivers. Full time, year round, vacation and health insurance. See 48 states while earning top dollar. Air-ride trailers and new Freightliners.

Wanted: Full-time Father, year round. Must take family vacations and provide the assurance that he cares. See every stage of development while earning respect. New little discoveries and questions to answer every day.

Sometimes the occupation of driving truck and the responsibilities of being a father collide. Missed ball games, school plays, birthdays, holidays and the like are too frequently par for this course. Truck-driving parents, about 98 percent males, are boldly showing the industry that they want to be more involved in their families' lives. When they couldn't get time off for a special event with their current company, some have jumped ship to make the family the priority. The cost of such turnover was recently found by the industry to be $5,000 to $10,000 per driver.

Trucking companies are responding with more people-oriented perks than ever before. Some of the want ads now boast the short runs. "Home every 5 days. Runs less than a week." One local ad even includes a line about fulfilling career and family obligations.

Too often the parent at home with the day-to-day decisions starts to feel like a single parent. Even so, they are always aware of that "someone else" to rely on for input and help. Many come to the conclusion that they just need to make the tough calls and live with the consequences. They devise a schedule, pull together a network of people who can be there in a pinch and carry on. Then Dad comes home, and all the rules, the usual schedule and the way things are done suddenly come to a screeching halt. Confusion, frustration and hurt feelings get packed up with the clean laundry for the next long haul.

Patricia Hansen, an assistant professor in the North Dakota State University school of education, is out to help all sides of the industry. For starters she learned to drive truck and for the past 15 months has been making runs with truckers all across the country. Hansen has visited with numerous drivers and their families and drawn together industry leaders and other professionals to determine how to best serve all these entities.

She's finding that trucking companies are willing to offer more family friendly benefits as long as it keeps the drivers happy and on the road. Drivers are willing to put in energy and long hours as long as they can stay in touch with their families enough to feel like full-fledged family members. Spouses and children are willing to share their stories to come up with options that will help them feel more connected with their over-the-road partners and fathers.

Hansen is quick to remind everyone that if all the drivers were to pull to the side of the road for one week, we would feel the effects because virtually everything we see, taste, touch, smell and hear in the line of consumer goods is delivered by truck. Even if it travels by ship, plane or rail, a truck still gets it from the dock, runway or depot to where it will be delivered next.

Hansen and the industry are considering computers to link the trucker with his company, his home and his truck. Until this solution is recognized, try these ideas to make life on the road a little less bumpy.

• Invite input from the children. Big events are important to parents but may not be the most vital to a child. Visit with the child about schedules and what is important to him. You may be surprised to find that he really wants you home for the game against the cross-town rival, not the state championship. Or he may request you be there to help build the set rather than see the opening night of the play. Find out what the child is thinking, and do your best to work around it. Don't deny there is a gap. Together think of ways and times to connect that may take the place of being there.
• Form networks. Pair up adult spouses who have driving partners with other adults who have been down that road before and children with children who have dad drivers. Mentor relationships like these work wonders because new families benefit from their mentor's experiences.
• Skip the big teddy bear. Children feel overloaded by Dad coming in the door bearing gifts too. Try a tradition of writing picture postcards listing your location and an interesting fact about your day. Do this several times each week to help children feel connected. Don't promise a phone call unless you are 100 percent sure you'll make it at the designated time. Keeping promises and being consistent are keys to building security.
• Ask for their schedules too. Keep a current copy of the children's whereabouts and important events. In your postcards, remind them to "study hard for algebra" or let them know you're thinking about them as they go in for a tooth filling.

Just like the big rigs on the road, families need constant attention and maintenance to keep them running smoothly.

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More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.

Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support line for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics. The Parent Line is answered 7:30 a.m. - 9:15 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 7:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Friday.

Sources: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070 and Patricia Hansen (701) 234-9692

Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875