NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665

March 4, 1999

Parent Line: Information Rules (and Regulations)

Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service

It was a sunny summer day several years ago when my children were still very young. The three of us spent the entire morning baking and decorating cookies. After lunch we packed them in a basket to take to the front yard for a cookie picnic. Apparently the act of spreading a blanket on the front lawn was all the excitement our new neighbor children needed to come over to see what we were doing. Naturally we invited them to join our little picnic.

Just before I passed out the cookies, it occurred to me that I should probably let the children's parents know what they were doing. Just as we were getting up to go report, their mother came around the corner of the house. We invited her to join us, and as we talked, we discovered that her daughters had a number of food allergies, including severe reactions to the ingredients in the cookies. Had we served them without the mom's permission, dire consequences would have been inevitable.

That incident has stayed with me throughout the years. In good faith I was extending a hand of friendship to our new neighbors. Without the parent's information, the outcome could have been tragic.

I thought about this event again when I heard about the rules and regulations for child care providers changing in North Dakota. Early childhood educators want what is best for the children in their care. Parents want what is best for their children. Why then is there concern about the changes of rules and continued enforcement of regulations? For parents, there will be more forms to sign and papers to look at. For providers, there will be more paperwork to generate, handle and file. It will mean more time, energy and trees. But in the end, the state hopes all of this will translate to better communication between parents and providers for the sake of North Dakota's youngest citizens.

Parents regularly call the Parent Line with questions about their children's behaviors and their provider's strategies for handling those behaviors. Misunderstandings commonly occur when a discipline plan isn't in place or clearly stated.

Consider this common scene. Child A bites Child B, Child C and even Child D once in awhile. Parent of Child A is upset, but B, C and D's parents are livid! How could this keep happening? Parent B wants the provider to bite the child back. Parent C wants the child removed from child care, and Parent D is looking for a new place to take his child. The provider, without clearly stated discipline plans, starts to consider any option that will stop the biting and all of this controversy.

With a clearly stated plan in place, everyone knows what to expect. The child who is doing the biting can be helped the same way at home and at care, hopefully cutting down the incidence of biting faster for everyone. Parents also have an opportunity to learn about and discuss how things are handled before an incident occurs. They can make more informed decisions about where to go for care if they know how discipline will be handled.

Other new rules and regulations include such common-sense topics as emergency disaster plans, transportation issues and payment policies.

When any new relationship is formed or new events occur, touchy subjects that need to be covered will surface. I recall a time when as a new couple many years ago, we looked at each other and then back again at the credit card bill on the table and said, "I thought you were in charge of paying this." After the birth of our first child, we each had accepted invitations to separate events without consulting the other. As we each announced our plans for the evening, we looked again at each other and then over to the new baby and said, "I thought you would be home with Andy." Communication about expectations and roles are vital at these times.

By having rules and regulations in place, the tough-to-talk-about issues can be handled in a professional manner, up front and in writing. The extra thought and paperwork up front may save everything from hours of fretting about a minor situation to children's lives in an emergency.

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More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.

Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support line for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics. The Parent Line is answered 7:30 a.m. - 9:15 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 7:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Friday.

Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070

Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875