NEWS for North Dakotans
Agriculture Communication, North Dakota State University
7 Morrill Hall, Fargo, ND 58105-5665

March 11, 1999

Parent Line: The End of Another Busy Day

Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service

We have a children's book at home called "The Service Station" by Philippe Duasquier that was a huge favorite of my children. As the story goes, the service station operator is up and on the job, opening the place early in the morning. Things move along at a normal pace all day, with the regular trials and tribulations, until he closes up shop that night. Crossing the parking lot after everyone else has gone home, he slips on spilled oil and falls down. The last sentence reads, "What a way to end a busy day."

Those words have come to my mind often, and especially as I consider the multitude of working parents who leave their jobs and take a deep breath, knowing that their workday has ended and now they are on their way to their "second shift." This generally includes dinner, cleanup, homework, appointments, meetings and the like. With small children, it includes playtime, baths and the rest of a nighttime routine on top of picking up, doing laundry and all the other things parents who run a household do.

With a busy workday behind us and busy evening ahead of us, how do we successfully make the transition from work to family?

Efficiency experts advise us to clean up our spaces and organize our next day's work the last 10 minutes or so of our workday. This will not only make the work setting more inviting to return to the next day and help focus on the first task, but it will also keep us from doing that one more little thing at the end of the day that sends us on our way 10 to 15 minutes later than we had planned. The act of physically putting the task away also can help remind us to mentally be done with it until the next day.

Parents of young children might request that their care provider pack the child's belongings into their bag at the end of the day. Then the parent can spend time concentrating on helping the child finish their play and move to the car without as many distractions.

Some children will ignore their returning parent at the end of the day. Others will screech and scream, and some will run with open arms to get a hug. According to the National Association for the Education of Young Children, all these reactions are normal. People transition differently.

Providing loving attention, offering between two small choices and having routines at this time of day can be helpful to get the child moving out the door. Say goodbye to the provider, the other children and the hamster as a way of transitioning out each day.

Since this is the time of day that energy is low and patience thin, try packing a nutritious piece of fruit to share on the way home. It's a great way to get more fruit in both of your diets and teach healthy snacking practices. It can be considered the first course of the evening meal since it is providing nutrition you both need. "Car appetizers," if you will.

School-age children can be great helpers by feeding the pets, making a salad or some part of the meal, setting the table or playing with younger siblings while dinner is being prepared. They are most likely to help if they know what is expected, have been properly trained into the job, and feel important and appreciated. Say thank you every time the child works on a task that helps out the family, even during the learning phase.

Determine the when, where, who and how of the rough spots during transition times and then work them out one by one with some creative problem solving. For example, if changing your clothes helps you shut off work, do that first.

Planning meals and doing prep cooking for the week ahead on the weekend also makes the return home much less hectic. Make triple batches of family favorites. Eat one and freeze two for carefree suppers later in the month. Fold clothes at the end of the night near the children's rooms as they fall asleep. Or make it a family project during videos.

Probably the most difficult transition to make is the emotional one where we leave the job behind and put our energy into the family we are reconnecting with. Many people use a mental image of "changing the channel" from work to family. Think about clicking the remote in your head from one channel—the job—over to another channel—the family. If you find it's a rerun that you didn't enjoy the first time, rewrite the script for a smoother transition starting tomorrow.

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More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655.

Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening support line for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 (231-7923 in Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting topics. The Parent Line is answered 7:30 a.m. - 9:15 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 7:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Friday.

Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070

Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875