September 21, 2001

Helping Children Deal with Stress Related to Terrorism

Children are asking questions. They see adults absorbed in media coverage of the attacks on New York and Washington, D.C. They hear parents discussing family or friends they know who live in the targeted areas. They see pictures in the newspaper or in news magazines. They want to know what this means for them, those they love, our nation and often express concern and anxiety.

"Parents and other adults play a significant role in helping children who are dealing with stress. They provide an example for children, act as a resource in helping children to cope, and give guidance and support in managing emotions," says Sean Brotherson, North Dakota State University Extension family science specialist. "Trying to return to a ‘normal’ routine after witnessing acts of terrorism can be difficult since some of the resultant problems may last for weeks or months. However, parents and other adults need to be attentive to children’s needs in helping them to overcome fears or re-establish a sense of security. Parents tend to set the atmosphere that will help children cope or remain overly stressed."

There are a variety of strategies that parents or other adults can use in helping children to deal with stress. These may include:

• Hold the child and provide physical comfort. Children may naturally seek the comfort and security that comes from being held. Give children extra hugs, smiles and hand-holding. Set aside time just to sit next to a child, put your arm around them, or hold them on your lap and talk with them about their feelings.
• Give your child verbal reassurance. It is important for children to hear messages of support. Remember to tell them often that you love them, that everything will work out and that they are taken care of.
• Be honest with the child about your feelings. It helps children to know that parents may share some of their feelings. Answer your child’s questions in a simple, straightforward way. Share your own thoughts and feelings as appropriate.
• Ask your child to share his or her own thoughts and feelings. Listen. Parents can help children by encouraging their expression of feelings and listening carefully to them. Ask them to tell you if they feel scared, angry or frustrated. Help them to realize such feelings are normal and that they can be worked out. Ask them for their ideas on how they might help with family needs.
• Read books together that involve dealing with challenges. A very effective technique is to buy, check out or borrow books that show children or families dealing with challenges and overcoming them. These may be books about dealing with disasters or other challenges. Ask children what they think about the characters and how they respond. Compare your own situation. Read them several times or leave them out for children to look at.
• Use humor to lighten circumstances. Laugh with your children. Humor, smiles and laughter relieve tension especially for children.
• Have children write or tell a story or draw a picture about the experience. Children often express emotion and deal with stressful situations through play or expressive behavior. Ask children to tell you a story about the attack or help them to write their feelings about it. Read it back to them and discuss it. You may also have children draw pictures about the experience. Ask them about the picture and what it means.
• Provide materials for dramatic play related to the experience. Often children will gain a sense of control over difficult situations through dramatic play. Make available props or materials they can use to play the roles of firefighters, doctors, nurses, construction workers, safety personnel or other helpers. Help to facilitate such play as appropriate and to give children feedback about what they express.
• Establish and maintain consistent routines that provide security and familiarity to children. As much as possible, adults should create and maintain some routines that children can rely on for security. This might include a particular routine at lunch, nap time, dinner or bed time. It might involve reading stories each night, rough-and-tumble play or playing family games. Use these times to build security and reassure children.
• Help children to express and cope with grief or feelings of loss. It is natural for children also to feel a sense of loss. Allow the child to express their sadness or frustration and acknowledge the reality of their feelings.
• Develop a plan with children for action to take in case of future problems or stress. Children feel empowered if they know beforehand what might be done to respond to a safety concern. This may include a home evacuation drill, knowledge of contact information for safety experts or simply greater understanding of potential concerns. Discuss such issues with children and involve them in making plans that will aid in responding to future challenges. Practice emergency procedures so that children are familiar with them.
• Involve children in service activities. It can be helpful to give children something to do in responding to stress. Children benefit from feeling that they are making a contribution. Find an appropriate activity that children or youth can do to help contribute or assist with responding to the events that took place. Perhaps they can perform a service activity for others in need.
• Show an example of self-control and positive response to stress. Children learn how to respond to stress by watching adults. Adults ought to set an example of self-control, maturity and positive resolution in dealing with challenges. This will comfort children and create a secure atmosphere for them.

"As adults care for children and help them deal with stress and anxiety, they will find themselves more able to deal constructively with the consequences of this event also," Brotherson says.

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Source: Sean Brotherson, (701) 231-6143, sbrother@ndsuext.nodak.edu
Editor: Rich Mattern, (701) 231-6136, Richard.Mattern@ndsu.nodak.edu

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