January 30, 2003

Military Families Face Separation Issues

America’s military women and men are on the go again and with the recent deployments of active military personnel and the nationwide activations of numerous National Guard and Reserve units (including North Dakota), many military families will have to deal with issues regarding separation. All military family members (the one leaving and the one staying behind) will experience additional stress in their lives such as worrying about their loved ones, and running a household "without the other half," according to Karin Bartoszuk, North Dakota State University Extension Service child adolescent specialist and a 14 year military spouse.

"Separation due to military deployment is difficult not only for spouses but it is especially hard on small children," says Bartoszuk. "Developmentally, small children may not have the capacity to understand many things pertaining to military deployment. As a matter of fact, trying to explain military deployment to a four-year old can be nearly impossible."

"For starters, a child may not understand the concept of war or military service. Can you imagine the questions? ‘Why . . . why . . . why?’ Young children often struggle with the concept of time, which makes understanding how long a parent may be away impossible. In some cases, both parents may have to deploy."

One of the most difficult challenges to accomplish is to maintain life’s necessary daily routines, according to Bartoszuk. Keeping a certain amount of routine is important especially for children. Try to keep their schedules and activities as normal as possible. This will be challenging at times, because your spouse might have done some of the chauffeuring or tending. This is where family members, friends, and neighbors can be a tremendous and invaluable help. Before deployments, develop relationships, which will allow you to ask for their help when in need.

If you know a family in which a spouse has been deployed, try to help out. "Support and friendship enables people to handle hard times," Bartoszuk says. "Volunteer to help others. Pick up the kids from school, and take them to their activities. Clear the driveway of snow or simply invite them over for dinner. What makes for good neighbors also builds strong communities."

Specifically for the military family, the Department of Defense has recently created the following Web site: http://mfrc.calib.com/healthyparenting/index.cfm . This site contains information that parents can use to answer some of the questions that children might ask about deployments and parental absence. It offers ways to explain the military and danger, among other things. Parenting experts from various universities developed the site. It’s easy to navigate, and provides information for parents with younger as well as older children.

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Source: Karin Bartoszuk, (701) 231-8113, Karin.bartoszuk@ndsu.nodak.edu
Editor: Rich Mattern, (701) 231-6136, richard.mattern@ndsu.nodak.edu