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June
15, 2006
Expert Offers
ABCs of Successful Fathering
By Sean E.
Brotherson, Family Science Specialist
NDSU Extension Service
“A father’s
work is child’s play.” This thoughtful observation actually
captures a unique truth, the reality that the most important work a man
will ever do is within the walls of his own home. How can fathers connect
at home in the important work of fathering a child?
Many men become biological
fathers, but successful fathering is the work of a lifetime. There are
a few building blocks that are the ABCs of successful fathering.
* A is for
Available
Being around is the first step to being available to your kids. To a child,
love is spelled T-I-M-E. This may require some effort on the part of a
father. Examine your work schedule. Come home a little earlier. Spend
more time together in the evenings. My children have called me twice today
about going to a movie tonight, so they want me to be available for time
with them.
* A is for
Attentiveness
Attentiveness to your children means focusing attention on their feelings
and activities. Do you know your child’s favorite color? Do you
know what activity your child would most like to do with you? Attentiveness
is crucial to seeing and following a child’s invitations to be involved.
* A is for
Activities
According to research, the most significant way for fathers to connect
with their children is through participating in shared activities. Men
feel close to their children when they are doing things together that
are fun, engaging or focused on learning. The key is doing something together,
not just talking, and can range from reading to playing checkers or going
fishing. Just do something, together.
* B is for
Big Moments
Be there in the big moments of your child’s life. Be there at birth,
birthdays and school performances. If you want to be a big influence in
your child’s life, be there for the big moments.
* B is for
Be Playful
Play together! Dads excel at this. Playing together is the most underrated,
but important aspect of parenting. It builds great relationships and fosters
learning. Fathers can challenge a child’s abilities, provide opportunities
for growth and build bonds of connection through play.
* B is for
Be a Model
Fathers are role models, whether they want to be or not, and children
learn by observing and imitating. Discuss personal values that you wish
to instill in your children. Be a model of good behavior.
* C is for
Connection
Connection for fathers occurs through involvement in activities with children,
such as talking and providing support. Research shows connection is among
the most important aspects of parenting.
* C is for
Coaching
A good coach will give counsel and a father is a good coach. Fathers give
time and listen. He will create teaching opportunities and share stories.
He will introduce new skills. He will be gentle in discipline, firm in
his guidance and clear in his message of support.
The ABCs of successful
fathering provide a foundation point for fathers as they seek to build
healthy and caring relationships with the children they love. If you begin
with the ABCs, you are laying the foundation for success.
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Source:
Sean Brotherson, (701) 231-6143, sean.brotherson@ndsu.edu
Editor: Rich Mattern, (701) 231-6136, richard.mattern@ndsu.edu
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