Submitted by: agcomm,  Wed Nov 26 10:13:38 1997


Parent Line:  Buying Time, Spending Time
 
Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service
 
     As the season of holiday parties, concerts, playoffs, school
events, recitals and pageants--not to mention practices for all
of these events--enters our lives, it's time to pause and think
about time.
     Since time is a finite resource, it's important to think
about how the holidays are going to get the kind of time that you
want them to have. Many people in our region have been affected
by loss of income, housing and available cash. Fortunately, the
best gift is still the gift of that very precious resource: time.
If you are thinking in terms of a rotten holiday because money is
tight or the decorations were washed down stream, take heart and
read on. Perhaps this list will spark an idea or two for your own
holiday giving. 
     "Buying time" can mean paying someone else to do those
chores you don't enjoy or are less important than something else.
Let everyone who offers bring a dish to pass. Pay your older
children to do baking or cleaning, and then they will have money
to spend on gifts for their friends.
     Spend time with extended family. For some, spending time
with parent and brothers and sisters is impossible. Distances or
past hurts separate families. If you are planning some holiday
time together, be sure to consider all ages and activity levels.
Keep activities simple to keep the focus on the people involved.
If grandparents and grandchildren need time alone together, make
a list of suggestions such as cookie baking, wrapping gifts,
visiting Santa-- anything that they might enjoy doing which will
cross a chore from your list--and then make your exit. When their
time together is over, enlist the services of a reliable cousin
or aunt and uncle to watch all the children while you enjoy your
time with Mom or Dad, sisters and brothers. Try to keep sleep
routine and meals simple, especially for the oldest and youngest
people in the group. Be sure to plan some "whole group" time too,
if for no other reason than to take that big photo like every
other family you know.
     Spend time with your spouse or partner. Shopping can be a
wonderful chore to get done as a couple. Plan a comprehensive
list together which includes names, wants, sizes, prices and
where each item is located. Lunch or dinner out during the trip
is usually the best part of the day, so don't miss it! Maybe a
stress-relieving workout or walk is more pleasing to you both.
Defeating as it may seem, we like to end our exercise with coffee
and dessert. 
     Spend time with friends. One women tells the story of how
she and her friend always baked, wrapped and made crafts together
on a weekend away from their homes. With supplies at the ready
and no distractions, they were able to relish in this
ultra-productive time together while helping one another.
     Spend some time alone. Thinking, planning, reflecting time,
whatever you call it. Clearing your head with 15 minutes of peace
to take an uninterrupted shower, to work on a favorite project,
to plan, or just to reflect on all that is right with the world,
can be a great gift to yourself and the people you need to care
for.
     Spend time on those you don't know. Volunteering comes in
many forms with plenty of extra jobs available during the
holidays. Enlist the help of one child or the whole family or a
group of friends to use their time on a worthy cause. Spending
time on other people you don't know while enjoying time with
those you do will lighten the load and brighten the day for
everyone involved.
     Enjoy time with your children. Often people will say, "I
just took him to the circus last week without his brother" or
"Once a month we try to do something fun by ourselves." Time
together needs to be given in daily doses during the holidays, as
well as on all of the other days of the year. Children who pulled
the tree over on themselves last year are able to point to, and
ask for, every third item in the catalog this year. Growing up is
marked by time. Spending it wisely is the growing challenge.
 
More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me
This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to
Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655. 
 
Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening
support warmline for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension
Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258- 0808 (231-7923 in
Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting
topics.                               
                               ###
NDSU Agriculture Communication
Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070
Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875