Submitted by: agcomm,  Thu Dec 18 12:35:24 1997


Parent Line:  Seven Siblings and Winter Too
 
Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist
NDSU Extension Service
 
     Much has already been written about the family with
septuplets. I've kept up with a fraction of the information
that's been splashed across the media about the family of three
who became a family of 10 in a matter of six short minutes. The
very thought of it is overwhelming to many of us parents of fewer
children--and those of us who had ours one at a time. 
     Along with regular health reports came the statistics. Some
of the predictions were astronomical--the numbers of diapers and
feedings and outfits, the dollars for medical costs, shoes and
college tuition. I would think that the last thing these people
will have in mind at 2 a.m. when three are wet and four are
hungry is what their sons and daughters will major in at school.
The day-to-day and hour-to-hour struggles and strides of these
babies must consume most of the collective family energy.
     As I get older, I tend to measure more and more by the
amount of energy I would need to expend to make something happen.
Even though it's probably not what the parents of these babies
are concentrating on, I think of how much adult energy it will
take to keep peace in this large of a family--especially in the
early years with eight young children--in the winter-- indoors.
     Consider mathematically, if you will, a family with two
children and two adults. Each sibling can fight with only one
other child in that family, but one adult or the other or both
can become involved in the squabble. One can see the potential
for a number of combinations of arguing. Now multiply that by the
number of brother, sister and parent combinations that this
family faces. A statistician would be in order just to figure out
the possibilities, let alone the frequency.
     No matter what the number, parents of small children tend to
find winter a difficult season in our climate. Lack of outdoor
time makes everyone restless, including the adults. To prevent
sibling troubles and cabin fever this winter, consider some of
these suggestions. 
     Although it may feel snuggly to play in the house in pj's
all day, many parents who have fallen into that habit live to
dread it. The child may lie around playing quietly all day, but
by evening his body wants to really move and start the day.
Getting the child out of the pajamas to run errands or go out to
play also becomes a struggle for some. A pj day once in a while
can be great fun, but a steady diet of it can become a problem.
Routines are important for children to build security in their
surroundings.
     Teach children how to problem solve using someone else's
problem. One way to do this is by reading books to younger
children and asking, for example. "What do you think Tigger's
problem is? What could he do to solve it?" For older children,
use books they are reading or videotape a television program and
stop it early to discuss all the options the person with the
problem might choose. Teens can be enticed into reading the
newspaper when parents pose these questions to them about a
current event. Be sure to talk about how problem solving can be
used in their own lives too. The one-to-one time with each child
is a simple way to build goodwill and decrease sibling jealousy.
     Television watching is almost like napping. Limit TV and
video games and offset them with physical activity. Take a walk
every day. Open the window a little for fresh air. Check out a
book on activities to do with your age child.  Commit time and
energy to one a week or one a day. Find an exercise tape you all
enjoy, and do it regularly. Assign cleaning projects and work
together to get things done.
     Siblings who are taught to cooperate rather than compete may
grow to see their brother or sister as a helpmate as opposed to
"the enemy." Instead of racing brother against brother to clean
up their rooms, have them work together to see if they can finish
before the song is done.
     Boredom and waiting tend to bring out the worst in some
children. Others use it to dig deep and get creative. Although
adults are not expected to fill a child's every waking moment
with activity, having positive choices available will keep the
negative choices at bay. Enjoy the peace.
 
More than 100 Parent Line columns are in the book "Please Tell Me
This is Just a Stage." To order, send $9.95 per copy to
Distribution Center, Box 5655, NDSU, Fargo, ND 58105-5655. 
 
Kim Bushaw answers the Parent Line, an information and listening
support warmline for North Dakota parents from the NDSU Extension
Service. Call the Parent Line at 1-800-258- 0808 (231-7923 in
Fargo) with questions about this column and other parenting
topics.                               
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NDSU Agriculture Communication
Source: Kim Bushaw (701) 231-1070
Editor: Becky Koch (701) 231-7875