Submitted by: agcomm,  Wed Dec 31 10:25:49 1997


Plains Folk: A North Dakotan If...
 
Tom Isern, Professor of History
North Dakota State University
COPYRIGHT 1997 Plains Folk
 
     Most Americans by now are familiar with Jeff Foxworthy's
satires on Southern culture.  In a self-effacing style similar to
telling Norwegian jokes, he goes on forever with his catalog of
good-old-boy qualities, all in the "If you (fill in the blank),
then you might be a Redneck" format.
     Now, what if we were to catalog the distinctive traits of
North Dakotans in the same way?  I already had been thinking
about this for a while when I received a folklorish electronic
communication from sources unknown headed, "You might be a North
Dakotan  if . . ." 
     "If you define summer as three months of bad sledding," this
document intones, "you might be a North Dakotan."  Or,
     *    If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't
          have a bar . . .                
     *    If you can identify a Minnesota accent . . .
     *    If "down south" to you means Aberdeen . . .
     *    If you have no problem spelling "Wahpeton" . . .      
     *    If you have an ICBM in your back yard . . .  
     *    If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as
          American ones . . .                
     *    If your kids' baseball and softball games have ever
          been snowed out . . .                
     *    If you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the
          right . . .                
     *    If at least 50 percent of your relatives smell like
          beets . . .                
     *    If you don't understand what the big deal about
          Moorhead is . . .                
     *    If people borrow things to you . . .
     All right, I'm sure now you have the idea.  I encourage you
to read these out loud, with appropriate inflection, to get the
full flavor. What's more, I'm volunteering right now to be the
official curator and cataloger of the "You might be a North
Dakotan" register.  I'll even contribute a few of my own to prime
the pump:          
     *    If you have ever served glorified rice at a wedding
          reception . . .                
     *    If you refer to the state just east of you as "The
          People's Republic of Minnesota" . . .                
     *    If you expect to be excused from school for deer season
          . . .                
     *    If the soup du jour at your home-town cafe is always
          beer cheese or knoephla . . .                
     *    If you like to send liberal Democrats to Congress and
          rock-ribbed Republicans to the statehouse . . .       
     *    If your favorite hors d'oeuvres is little weenies and
          barbeque sauce in a crockpot . . .                
     *    If you refer to the blessed union of an ELCA Lutheran
          and a Missouri-Synod Lutheran as a "mixed marriage"...
     *    If you'd like to laugh at this, but you're afraid
          someone will notice you . . .      
     Then, I'd say, you might be from North Dakota.  And you'd be
capable of helping me out with this list.  So send your lines to
Tom Isern, Minard 412C, NDSU, Fargo ND 58105- 5075.
All contributors will receive a printed catalog of contributions
done up in reasonably tasteful style on fairly attractive paper
suitable for sticking under your refrigerator magnet.  Offer
limited to North Dakota residents and expatriates (which means
about half the people in Arizona and Washington state) and good
people who wish they lived in North Dakota.                       
                               ###
                                
NDSU Agriculture Communication
Source: Tom Isern (701) 231-8339
Editor: Barry Brissman (701) 231-7866